A glimpse of light in the dark

Updated: Jan 12, 2020

|Author: Hannah|

After a 22 hour long flight, I finally arrived in Bangalore. As I walked out the airport door, I was welcomed by a thick curtain of humidity. Ah, I remember this feeling. The simultaneous feeling of tired of intense heat and the anticipation of something amazing that is going happen. It brought back summer memories of my hometown, Japan. But this time, I am in India! A place I've always dreamed of but could not come. A place where my mother came with dreams and hopes when she was young, yet left with unfinished business.

In the first three days after arriving in Bangalore, people, food, beautiful flowers and greens, and buildings here have been all pleasant experiences for me. But it is also true that all of this somehow created mixed feelings. I’ve kept asking myself, "Is this worth it?", " Is this worth enough to leave everything that I am responsible for behind back home and to put it on hold?", and "Am I able to make this trip worthwhile or just end it with a good experience?" I guess these questions came up because some friends back home questioned me why I was leaving Seattle despite the circumstances I was handling. I also questioned myself for the same concerns.

After a few days passed, I heard about the scarcity of water resources, the hardships of women, children and the poor, and how many people suffer in the shadows of the rich, my questions had shifted. "Why am I getting a filtered water without any effort while people somewhere in the poor neighborhood struggled to get it every day", "Am I able to see the hardships of people while I am so privileged here?" and "Why am I really here?" Waking up at five in the morning in a dark room, in an unfamiliar foreign land can make me feel trapped in thoughts that are never answered easily.

Thirty minutes later, I hear a beautiful prayer, the Quran. Songs from various kinds of birds fill the air. The sky regains light, and I hear the city slowly starting to wake up. Even the mosquitoes roaming around my body brings me back to reality. I think, maybe, possibly... this is worth it. Every single day in this journey is packed with such memorable and worthwhile experiences, which I will never forget in my life, or may just come out as one flash in front of my eyes the second before I die. Whatever it would be, I guess whether if it's going to be something meaningful or not, is up to where my questions are heading and if I challenge myself to find the answers to them. But hey, the questions in my head have already started evolving, as I sit here ready to start my adventure.

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