I'm Tired

|Author: Cameron|

The pressure of a last blog is an intense one. I have been thinking about what I could say to do this experience justice, for weeks. I even put off writing about other topics important to me such as time relativity, impact perspectives, and hope for the future, because I believed they would fit better into a nice succinct conclusion piece. But, with a week left, it is clear that these conclusions feel insufficient and incomplete. I knew that this would probably be the case, and as such, this blog is something that I have been dreading writing for a while, and have tried to find every way to procrastinate writing today because trying to tie everything into a neat little bow is rightfully impossible and fails to do my complex thoughts justice.

Honestly though, I am also really tired.

These past nine weeks have been a marathon and as sleep deprivation and stress have piled up and exaggerated one another, I have kicked into survival mode without being able to take the time to process what I am thinking about. I am wishing that there was time for me to take though; I am wishing that I had the energy to dive deep and begin the laborious but rewarding process of turning my constantly running thoughts, of which there are an endless amount, into articulate words.

What I mean by a marathon is that from day one we hit the ground running and from day one I tried to teeter totter my way to a balance between school, work, friends, life and myself. Things like figuring out how to make the most out of experiencing India, as lists of things I wanted to do or places to go expanded far quicker than I could ever check them off; being social practically 24/7, working to befriend so many new people and pushing to create the meaningful connections I so genuinely care for; trying my hardest to succeed within the guidelines of GCIL often without clear direction; and ebbing and flowing through motivation, passion, and hopefulness that what we are doing is good and I have the potential to create an impact, have all had to be balanced, and it has been challenging.

It also makes me bummed that this is my last blog, that this is almost the last week, and that I have begun letting myself get excited about going home, excited to crawl into my bed, to hug my dog and live in Seattle spring. I am wishing that I had more energy, wishing that I had more time to cross things off the list, wishing that I could stay here indefinitely and continue to grow the relationships I have created, while also having the opportunity to move forward at my own pace toward sustainable impact, or at least get some important sleep.

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