Nights Before the Metamorphosis
Updated: Mar 3, 2020
It was because I was fed up with trying to make myself fit in with the rest of people. It was because I wanted to avoid making connections with people. It was because interacting with nature and animals was the only cure for my broken heart. Because of this, I encased myself into a hard shell.
As a child, I naturally started seeking opportunities to protect wildlife and nature and decided to pursue veterinary medicine. After coming to the U.S. and working as a wildlife rescue volunteer for a while, one day, I somehow found myself working as a nursing assistant and taking care of people, “a human”, at an assisted living facility. All the people I took care of were so vulnerable and had no boundaries whatsoever around them. Eventually, the interactions with them made me open up. They became my close friends. Then, sadly, but it’s the nature of the job, I’ve lost many of them. It crushed my heart into many pieces. I vowed to myself that I would never again work any jobs that have to deal with close interacting with people, "a human".
Five years later, I found myself in India and breaking a sweat to find a solution for people. A couple days ago, realizing this shocked and paused me for a second.. In the back of my head, my voice screamed, “Goodness gracious, Hannah, why are you doing this to yourself again?!” But then, I noticed I don’t really care about how I feel anymore. The things that kept circling in my head were the faces of people who I encountered through this journey, and I kept asking myself “How can I really help reduce these people’s suffering? What’s the best way to help these people who are struggling the most?! What can I really do for the rest of the two and a half weeks while I’m still in here?!”
One big lessen I’ve learned from the program is that no matter how much I vowed to myself, I will always somehow end up working and caring for people. This program has helped me to transform a fear of mine: getting hurt due to my desire to help people. Now I’d rather burn the fear with action by putting my all into making a change even just a tiny bit. One time Julian said this is a boot camp program for students. I think so too.
All these big inner changes seemed not just to have happened just to me. It looks like huge waves of transformation are going around and hitting every single student who’s signed up for this boot camp. A life changing crash course full of laughter, confusion, sweat, tears, and some blood. I’m not sure how many sleepless nights we will have to go through for the rest of our days here. But I’m sure that I’m not going to be heartbroken at the end of this program, and no one else is going to be. When we leave here, each of us is going to make vows to ourselves for the future that have all started from here. But before that, we will have all survive this boot camp crash course. And we will work our butt off until the very end of our time to make sure that there are real impacts to transform the challenges of people here.