Finding Peace With Uncertainty

|Author: Kayla|

“If you knew all that you know now about GCIL, would you still do it?” I hesitated.

As we approach the halfway point for this program and our workload begins to steadily increase, I question my purpose of being here. I struggle with whether the exhaustion, hard work, and food poisoning is all worth it. I desire to have a concrete rationale.

Am I here to learn about design thinking and NGOs? Am I here because GCIL is a program in which I could obtain credits for my major? Or am I here to learn all of this information about wells—which I don’t plan to use again?

As I unsuccessfully grapple with this question, I decide to set it in the back of my head. I am not sure why I strongly desire to have an answer, but I know I can not stop thinking about it.

I noticed this same identity crisis come to life last week in class when we were asked to go around in a circle and answer the question, “What are you doing here?”

I thought maybe if I could answer this question, I could understand my intention of being on this program.

Maybe I’m here because I was drawn to the idea of going to India after learning about it’s overpopulation, air pollution, and water crisis issues in my environment classes. Or maybe, it is because my family took me to exotic countries from a young age and that planted a seed in my head.

I distinctly remember last year one of my friends returned from studying abroad and told me that her classes were mediocre, but she did not care because she wanted to study abroad to travel Europe. In that moment, I realized I wanted to study abroad somewhere I am engaged and learning something new.

Another reason I could’ve been drawn to this program is due it’s prevalence of social issues. After watching my sister be treated differently and having less access to opportunities because of her differing sexuality, I have always been captivated by topics which address human rights issues.

Maybe it is none of these reasons, or maybe it is a combination of them all which has shaped my fervor for social justice and led me to embark on this program. I have come to terms with this uncertainty of what I am doing here and hope that after I finish working towards my projects for Biome and GCIL, I will find the greater purpose I am searching for.

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